A heart check

We've been a bit sick around our house.  Sore throats, headache, coughing.  Nothing major but enough to make a few of us feel miserable.  At the end of the week last week Greta started running a temp and started to complain about her ear hurting.  So, decided to call the clinic and get her an appointment.  Our clinic has had some changes lately.  One of those changes is that when the doctors are full for the day they have a couple doctors that are "on call" and it is a "walk-in" clinic.  You just go in and it is a first come, first serve basis.  I loaded up Greta, Buche and Burka and into the clinic we went to try out this new "walk-in" system.  There were many other mom's that did that same thing that morning I guess.  Greta was feeling sick to her stomach, so "puke" bucket in hand we walked into to a FULL waiting room. 

We walked in and waited.  And then we waited.  And then we waited some more.  Greta was feeling miserable.  But, she was able to sleep most of the "wait".

She was finally called into see the doctor. She indeed had an ear infection and after a few hours spend in the clinic with other sick people she was prescribed an antibiotic that would help her get better.  But, to get the antibiotic I needed to load her and the boys up, drive to our pharmacy and wait again while the prescription was filled.   This wait was much quicker than the clinic wait, but I had two little boys that were very anxious to be free and play like little boys do and a little girl that just wanted to crawl in her bed and sleep.

Finally, we made it out of the pharmacy, medicine in hand.  I loaded my kiddos up and drove home. 

Although I feel like I was kind to the staff at the clinic and everyone at the pharmacy it wasn't until we were driving home that I had a heart check.  I was really frustrated with the changes at our clinic.  My thoughts were, "Do these people know that we pay TONS of money out for medical insurance every year!  And, this appointment is still going to cost me money!  And, Greta is feeling really crummy right now while we wait.  And... can they not see that I have twin toddlers with me.  It is not an easy fate to control twin toddler boys in a waiting room for hours!" 

But, on the car ride home my thoughts changed to this.  "Rachael, you saw medical care in Ethiopia!  You have listened to the hearts of people in Ethiopia that had family members die because of the lack of medical care.  Simple medical care and prescriptions that you might have to wait for a bit to get... speaking a few hours. 

And then I was reminded of this blog post from Levi at BringLove.In  He told the story about how Beletu, the head "house mother" at Bring Love In needed medical care.  As I pondered how much money medical care costs my family, needing medical care cost Belelu much more.  Her family, her husband and her son.  Again, I was reminded my "wait" in the clinic was nothing to complain about.  My frustration to drive my 15 minute drive to my clinic and then 5 minute drive to the pharmacy was NOTHING compared to her 11 hour bus ride to get to the doctor from her village.

We got home.  I tucked sweet Greta into her bed.

Burka and Buche filled their tummies with Injera and Shiro Wot. 

And, I asked for forgiveness from my God for my bad attitude.  It is my prayer that God will continue to remind me of all I have to be thankful for when my heart and mind forget. 

A precious little girl

I've not been a very good blogger lately.  Not because I've had nothing to say ... more like I can't seem to get the things that have been stirring in my heart down in writing.

I posted this picture on facebook today.

For a lack of creativity on my part I called the picture "Brothers".   My aunt commented, "Sons".  Moved me to tears.  I will forever be thankful for each of my children.   Forever I will be changed as I have seen how God knits families together.  No words will do those feelings justice.  

We've been busy doing things like going to the dentist... Buche and Burka are some amazing little patients.  Amanda and Hannah go to the dentist tomorrow.  We'll see if they sit as nice :).  I know they won't let me take a picture and post it!

We colored eggs at grandma and grandpas getting ready to celebrate Easter.  Buche and Burka would tell you very loudly that "Jesus is ALIVE!".

We celebrated my brothers birthday.  He's the best brother ever! Sure do love him!

Grace and Greta sang to him.  Grace starts guitar lessons in a week but she looked up on you tube how to play "Happy Birthday".

And, we have some very sweet friends who gave the boys adorable dolls!  They have been named "Burka" and "Buche"...

And are slept with for every nap and night :)

We got new "sleep caps" from www.africasleeps.com.  Love them!

Zachary and Ryan spent a few days with friends in CO skiing and snowboarding.  They sent home this amazing pictures.  Mountains ... they are indeed majestic! And the thought of my son that is ending his Junior year of high school this year makes me cry ...tears of joy ... tears of sadness. He's an amazing young man!

And, while all this is happening there is a deep stirring in my heart.  I'll share just a bit ...

I've mentioned before that our boys were on our agencies "waiting children" list. While we were in Africa for our embassy appt I met a little girl that is on our agency's "waiting children's list"  She gave me a hug and a kiss every time I saw her.  She has a smile that shines bright. She is a precious, precious little girl.  That was almost ten months ago.  She is still on our agencies "waiting children's list".   I am indeed praying for this precious little girl and for a stirring in the hearts of those that are called to be her family.  Join me please?

World Water Day

It's World Water Day.  A few years ago, I didn't know that the day existed.  More importantly, I didn't really understand that there are so many lives touched by the lack of water or clean water.  I had not looked into the eyes of people that spend ALL DAY LONG walking to get water to survive.  Today, I understand better (I do not think anyone that doesn't live that life can fully understand) how the lack of clean water affects people.  

While we were in Ethiopia we saw babies bathing in mud puddles along side of the road.  We saw women and young children walking in the middle of nowhere in the countryside carrying water.  We saw what life with waterborne diseases can be like.  I can not image watching my loved ones die for reasons that were caused because there wasn't any clean water for them.

We live on a lake.  We look out our windows and see water (or ice) every single day.  We have clean water that comes out of our faucet every single day. And, rarely do I not take a shower every single day. A hot shower with clean water. I can't comprehend how lucky I am for having clean water.

One of my little guys gets very upset when the water goes down the drain after he takes his bath.  It seems to get better at times and then worse again.  Sometimes bath time is a blast!  As of recent, it is a deep concern of his.  He cried for a long time tonight in my lap because he didn't want the "water to leave" after his bath.  And, it's not that he likes his bath so much that he didn't want to get out.  I had to hold his hand during his whole bath tonight and his other little hand held the drain plug to make sure that it stayed in place and the water stayed in the tub.  And, then when his mind gets set on things "leaving" he had a whole list of things that he didn't want to "leave".  Ryan is away on a business trip tonight.  He didn't want his daddy to "leave".  He had a great time playing with a friend yesterday.  He didn't want his friend to "leave".  He didn't want his sisters and big brother to go to school anymore because he didn't want them to "leave".  Oh, those conversations tug at my heart.  Don't get me wrong, there are many more happy times here than scary sad times, but I sometimes can only imagine what goes through my little boy's heads and what lays on their little hearts.  Feelings that stem from loss and hurt.  Feeling that stem from poverty and all that poverty does to so many lives here in this world.

We love living on our small little lake.  We spend countless hours using our lake for recreation.  Swimming, boating, skiing, wake boarding or just sitting next to the water to watch a beautiful sunrise or sunset over the lake while sipping on a cup of coffee. I'm not saying any of that is bad. Really, it's quite awesome.  But, while we were in Awassa we walked down a dock on Lake Awassa.  I soon realized that we were the only ones that were just walking down the dock to see the lake.  Everyone else was either fishing, taking a bath or washing their clothes in the water off the dock.  

And just down from the that dock was a fish market.  Men and boys catching fish to sell.

Those that have access to water in a country that has such a lack of clean water use the water they have for a purpose.

The ice is completely off our lake this week.  Buche and Burka have told be many times "I found the water ... It came back!!!"  They were so very, very excited to see the frozen lake turn to waves of water again.  I have much to be thankful for and today I was reminded again that water is something that I take for granted.

You got me, mommy.

I held one of my little boys for his whole nap today.  I don't always do that.  Actually, I have not done that much at all lately. When the twins nap, I am often found with a cup of coffee, folding and ironing laundry, cleaning bathrooms, washing floors, making dinner or doing something fun like creating a crafty project ... simply because it is so much easier to do those things without the help of twin toddlers.

But, today ... I laid with and held my baby boy the whole time he slept.  I watched him cuddled in.  I took this picture right before he woke up.  Peace.

As soon as he opened his eyes he smiled.  Barely awake yet he said "mommy. you got me."  To which I replied, "Yes, forever, baby ... I got you forever".

Questions of the heart

Well, Grace and I have been back from our school field trip for some time now.  It was a great week spent with Grace and an awesome bunch of kiddos from her school.  I went from taking care of my 7 kiddos to rooming with 7 fifth graders for the week.  We learned to use a compass in the woods, built forts to survive in the wilderness, started fires and melted snow for water, threw tomahawks, cross country skied, drilled holes in the lake, studied the stars, had outdoor campfires and much much more.  To say we were tired at the end of the week was an understatement!

The little boys did great with their daddy for the week.  They had lots of fun and Ryan did an awesome job of managing our home and trying to work from home some at the same time.  Not an easy task.

It was very fun to have time with Grace alone.  I loved it!  I should create those times more often!  And at the same time, I missed Ryan and my other kiddos like crazy!  Here is one of the many thoughts that have run through my head since my return.

I've said it before, but I am simply amazed at how God creates families. I've always known that I would love any child that God blessed me with.  There is something so sweet about the children that God gives us.  I love all 7 of my children with all my heart.  So much it seems to almost hurt sometimes!

Now, I'm going to speak honestly here.   That can be a scary thing, especially when it's out there for everyone to critique. I did have a question in my heart before we brought home Buche and Burka.  Does a "mother's love" differ from "adopted" children vs "biological" children?  Don't get me wrong, it was not a nagging question that I wrestled with wondering if it was possible.  I never once thought I would not love any of my children.  I compare it to another time in my life that God blessed us with more children ... while I was pregnant with our second child, Amanda.  At this time in life, Zachary was 2 years old and the center of my world.  I loved him sooooo much.  Still do.  I was pregnant with Amanda and I had a question in my heart.  It was this.  "How can I possibly love another child as much as I love the one that I've cared for the last two years?"

I had a miscarriage right before I got pregnant with Amanda, so it took a few months into my pregnancy with her before I let myself really dream about this new baby without being fearful that I would never get to hold this new miracle.  But as things happened like hearing her heartbeat, seeing her fingers and toes in an ultra sound, felt her move inside me, felt her get the "hick-ups" and I started bonding with her.  As this pregnancy neared the end of nine months and she was born God had done an amazing work in my heart and as soon as I held my precious baby girl I now loved two little beings more than I knew I had love for.  God did the same thing in my heart as he blessed us with Hannah, Grace and Greta.  And, today I know that God did the same thing in my heart as he blessed us with Buche and Burka.

I didn't get the special times of pregnancy or get to experience the things that happened in the first years of Buche and Burka's life.  If fact, my sons were grew inside their first mommies tummy on the other side of the world from me.  They experienced the first years of their life on the other side of the world with family and friends that loved them as much as I do.   It hurts my heart beyond words to know the circumstances that lead up to them becoming my sons.  But, what I know today is that when God blesses you with children ...however he does that he also puts a love in your heart for your children that is amazing.   A love that tugs at your heart and opens your eyes to the needs of your children.  A love that puts a band aid on the skinned knee while seeing and feeling the pain behind the obvious injury.  A love that checks out the "scary" thing under the bed of the toddler, listens to the young girls dreams, sees the joy in the eyes of the child who is learning independence and yet still crawls in bed and holds the broken-hearted teenager.

Brings me back to the big picture.  I believe we are all Children of God.  "How great is the love the father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that we are"  1 John 3:1.  God has given me a love for each of my children beyond measure all because he loves me!