Beloved

"Come" answered Jesus. So Peter got out of the boat and started walking on the water to Jesus." Matthew 14:29

A devotion from Rick Warren that I read last week talked about how Peter stepped out of the storm-tossed boat and for a moment got a glimpse of what trusting in his Father was. Warren went on to say that as we step out of our own apparent insecurity we see that following Jesus is the way that we find our true security.

It spoke to me loudly. The last few weeks have been filled with some doubt and insecurity. Getting through adoption paperwork has been hard at times. Reading more and more about the loss that every child that is adopted goes through breaks my heart. Hearing life stories from friends that are grieving the loss of biological parents makes me so sad. I wonder why any child has to go through this hard place. This world is such a hard place.

As I was driving home from bringing my daughter to tennis a song came on the radio.

I WILL LIFT MY EYES
By Bebo Norman


God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near calm my fear and take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let mercy sing
her melody over me
and God, right here all I bring
is all of me
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

'Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
the Lover I need to save me
'Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
so hold me now


God reminded so gently, that I am His beloved. My husband is his beloved. My biological children are His beloved and the child that I hold in my heart for now is His beloved. God has everything under control.

When I got home, I searched my bible to find a verse about what the Lord has to say about His beloved. The verse I looked up was Deuteronomy 33:12. It says, "About Benjamin he said: Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders." I will hang on to that promise. I am so thankful that God does shield me and my family. I can rest secure in Him- right between His shoulders is an awesome place to be.

But, as I was reading this I needed to look up who Benjamin was. I had forgotten. So, I turned to Genesis 35:16. The subtitle of the verse hit me hard. "Death of Rachel, birth of Benjamin."

Genesis 35:16-18 "Then they moved on from Bethel. While they were still some distance from Ephrath, Rachel began to give birth and had great difficulty. 17 And as she was having great difficulty in childbirth, the midwife said to her, "Don't be afraid, for you have another son." 18 As she breathed her last—for she was dying—she named her son Ben-Oni. [a] But his father named him Benjamin."

Rachel in the bible died giving birth to her second son, Benjamin. Now, I am not worried that I am going to physically die. The Lord has shown me that I need to die to myself - and that is a daily thing. I need to let God be the one that controls my life. After all, He has much more beautiful plans for my life than I could ever dream up. I will adopt God's dreams. Bebo Norman's album with the song "I will lift my eyes" on is entitled "Between the dreaming and the coming true". I can't wait to continue to watch God's dreams come true.