About a year ago I found myself sitting at The Christian Alliance for Orphans Conference with some dear friends. It was a few days of really starting to dig into what it means to stand up for the orphan. The last year I've spent much time thinking and praying about the orphan. It seems so complicated to me at times. It seems so messy to me at times. There seems to be such controversy on what the best way to care for the orphan is and means and how that looks at times. I believe there is much spiritual warfare involved when it comes to taking care of the orphan. I'm such a work in progress and will always be and I'm so thankful that I have the Lord to lean on as I try to digest what justice is and looks like.
So, it was at this conference that I heard Mary Beth Chapman speak (along with many other amazing people). One of the things that she said stuck with me and I can still hear her saying today. She said - we need to adopt God's dreams. So, when I started this blog, it seemed right to title my blog Adopting God's Dreams. To me it meant, "Rachael - you need to set aside your selfish ways and see the bigger more amazing plan that God has already planned for you." I need to adopt God's dreams because they are so much grander and full filling than mine could ever be. I'm learning that I miss out big time when I am not willing to adopt God's dreams. But, that doesn't mean that I don't struggle with this whole concept. This week has proven to be a struggle. This week as my heart is leaping for joy that in just days I will be able to do what I've been waiting to for a year now - hold in my arms the children that the Lord has given me. Now, coming off of a weekend that our daughter shared in front of a whole church full of people how she has gone back and forth on adoption for our family and now God has reveled Himself so powerfully that she can not doubt anymore that we were not meant to bring home two precious little boys and call them our own... I have struggled with ... fear. Fear and doubt. But ... Strength Will Rise as I lean on my God.
If you would like to see the confirmation service/testimonies you can watch it here. Amanda was in the "Where are you going by Bobbie Batsole (10:30am)" choice.
Fear and doubt. Yuck! There is no doubt in my mind that we were called to adopt. There is no doubt in my mind that God has lead us to two precious little boys in Ethiopia. But, I've found myself questioning the events that have happened in our world over the last few days and wondered if we should be traveling internationally with our 5 children. There are new warnings out in regards to traveling that I started to become fearful about. I started doubting that our whole family was supposed to be traveling together to Africa. When I let myself get into being "afraid" I start thinking up all kinds of "what-ifs". It is in these times that I am so very grateful for friends and family - there to remind me of the fact that God is a big God and so much more powerful than anything in this world. I do not need to be afraid. I've been reminded by my sweet mom that God is in control and that we've seen his hand in this process all along. I've been reminded by a dear friend that our hope is in the maker of heaven and earth. The maker of heaven and earth - wow!
Today am praying to the maker of heaven and earth for protection on our journey and trusting that He is in control. I'm reminded that I have an all powerful God to put my trust in. I'm reminded that I need to set aside myself and adopt His dreams - and really, I can not image the amazing dreams He has planned for us over the next weeks. We get to go to court asking to be legally parents of two beautiful little boys. I get to hold in my arms two little boys that I have been holding in my heart since I saw their picture for the first time on December 23, 2010. So, just like Mary Beth Chapman taught me ... I need to adopt God's dreams. I can not live in fear. I was reminded in many ways this week that I need to trust. Like Bobbie shared in her message on the confirmation video - "Where are you going?" - Where am I going? In the next week I'm going to Africa to walk down the next steps to call two little boys mine. I get to have my husband and 5 children with me - we get to do this as a family. The maker of heaven and earth will be right by my side. And, when my time has finished out on this earth, "Where am I going? To join the maker of heaven and earth in heaven. Wow - how amazing is that! The joy of the Lord is my strength. To God be the Glory!